Weeping Angel
by J.E.T.Croft
Summary: "L is wrong." Mello whispered. Near blinked.
1. Chapter 1

Alabaster fingers shook, held above crossed legs that were dressed in soft white cotton. Bleached white, the comforter was just another shade of the same. Gray eyes, the only truly colorful things in the room, stared blankly at the hands as they shook. Tight shoulders seemed to hold the world; regardless of how frail they were, covered in the same soft white cotton.

A shaky breath moved the shoulders in a drastic motion that seemed to startle the boy, his gray eyes going wide in surprise of his own movements. There were few things that could surprise the fourteen year old, but he'd been placed in one of the most startling situations he'd ever had to manage, and the simple rebellion that his body showed was much easier to concentrate on than the tears that pricked at the edges of his stormy eyes.

_Mello has won._ Near thought. _It never mattered how smart I was, he would always win out in the end. It was inevitable._

These thoughts were despondent, vague, and cold, but not because the boy did not feel the despair that came with them. Instead, he was all too aware of the pain he was supposed to be feeling. There were too many thoughts in his mind, too many contingency plans and expectations, and too much confusion. He had had the title in his grasp, had had a place in the world, and the only thing that had stood in his way was himself.

He had no one to blame but his own small frame and ice cold heart.

"Happy Birthday." He whispered to himself, finally letting the tear fall. He checked that the door was locked first, of course, but then he let himself go. There was no point in holding himself in check anymore, other than the fact that he'd been doing it for so long. It was a part of him now, a part of who he was and he couldn't stop.

It was his birthday though, and that meant that he was allowed to feel. On this one single day out of the whole year he could lock himself away for the entire day and do as he pleased with his emotions. It was the one day he was guaranteed to be left alone to contemplate his life. But only after his yearly visit with L.

_L._

_World's Greatest Detective._

_Mello. Not Me._

The top three Whammy's students, whoever they may be at the time, were given the chance to speak to L, once a year, on their birthday. It was a privilege that all the other children envied, regardless of whether they wanted to be the next greatest detective or not, and a privilege that Near had held his entire time at Whammy's. No matter who held second or third, Near would always be first.

Because if anyone could help Near, it would be L.

The tears started to trickle down the soft, pale slopes of Near's cheeks as he realized that after all this time, L would not help him, would not notice that he needed help. No one saw, no one looked, they only understood his white mask, never looking for more. Even L, the most intelligent man on earth, had not truly understood.

He had tried to help of course, that very day he had tried to assist Near in his constant inner battle, but he hadn't caught the one piece of the puzzle that meant the most. It didn't matter that L saw through his facade of emotionlessness, if he couldn't understand the cage around Nears heart that made it impossible to ask for help.

Drawing both his knees up to his forehead, Near started to sob, startled hiccups interspersed with angry tears as he realized that there was no one who could help him. If the smartest man in the world couldn't see it, no one would. Near's sobs grew stronger as he remembered that moment not twenty minutes ago, when he thought L had finally solved his problems, only to realize that the title of World's Greatest Detective didn't extend to helping the children who wished to exceed him.

_"Near, another year older." L said, focused more on the Oreo grasped in between his finger and thumb than the boy who'd opted to sit on the floor rather than the couch provided. "Fourteen, yes?"_

_"Yes." Near replied blankly, not expecting this visit to last more than ten minutes. The others never had, regardless of how much time he actually wished to spend there._

_"Your studies are still improving." L told him, his tongue sticking out to one side as he tried to pry the Oreo apart with only his pointer fingers and thumbs. His eyes lit up as he succeeded, all of the crème staying on one of the cookies, the other left bare. "Ah ha!"_

_Near stayed silent. There were no questions directed at him, and he had nothing to ask in return. L, an enigma to the world, had slowly become just another genius to Near in the past 120 minutes he'd spent with the man. Ten minutes each year, and Near knew more than the rest of the world could wish to learn about his role model._

_"I do have one problem with your education." L informed him, half an Oreo cookie sticking out of his mouth. "And your lack of ability to grasp the material concerns me greatly."_

_"Oh?" Near asked, not wanting to say more. He'd kept ahead of everyone else in their studies, and even added some of his own. There was nothing for L to be concerned about, perhaps this was a test?_

_"Emotional Attachments." L informed him, promptly scraping the crème off the rest of the cookie with his rather dexterous tongue. Near stayed silent. There was no such class, emotions weren't part of any of the curriculum offered at Whammy's, and Near could find nothing about it in the library. He had looked. But if L insisted that Near was failing a class, who was Near to correct the man who solved three cases simultaneously while only looking at a bowl of ice cream?_

_"Near?" L asked, the last of his cookie set aside as he looked the aspiring detective in the eye. Near looked back, neither curious nor any other emotion, not revealing his surprise at L's complete disregard for the remains of his cookie. He simply stared back. "Would you like help in this subject?"_

_And that question killed all of Near's hope in one blow. Mello would have been jealous of how much that question killed Near, if he had known._

_"I have been reviewing a case that made me realize what a hindrance it can be to ignore emotional attachments, a case that I ought to have taken more seriously." L continued, mumbling around the last of the cookie that he'd remembered. "Now, I realize I have been remiss in my beliefs that emotions cannot be useful in a case, and I've realized that my successor cannot be without feelings. Unfortunately, this leaves me with a problem."_

_"Oh?" Near asked again, only half as interested as he had been before._

_"Unless you learn emotions, I cannot accept you as my successor." L said bluntly, the sugar coating of his words disappearing with the last vestiges of his Oreo, washed away with strawberry milk._

_L continued to prattle on, but Near was no longer listening. L had almost found the piece that was missing within Near, and he'd only managed to lodge it deeper into the fourteen year old's psyche. The one thing that Near could not do, no matter what the circumstance, was ask for help._

_From the very first memory he had, when he was three and L was looking down at him, promising to protect him from whatever nightmare had left Near an orphan, all he could remember was a wall that separated him from the joy he knew he ought to be feeling. The ringpop in his mouth was too sweet, too over-stimulating for his mind as he tried to climb that wall, to reach out towards the black haired man with intelligent eyes._

_He hadn't moved though. His body refused to reach, even as his mind begged to touch that silky black hair, to be held in a comforting hug, to show the relief he felt at being rescued. His body would not respond to his emotions, and his overstimulated mind was trying to understand and keep up with the situation._

_He couldn't remember anything before that, but his past didn't matter. All that mattered was that as he was lead towards a hospital bed at three years old, his eyes catching notice of every little thing that everyone else was doing, he realized how much easier it was to allow everyone to assume what he was feeling instead of explaining it to them._

_How could he explain how he felt, when he couldn't climb the wall that separated him from his emotions?_

_Now, as he stared at the pink line of milk that ran along L's top lip, moving up and down as he spoke before being licked away by a strong and determined pink tongue, he was moments away from getting the help he knew he needed, and he couldn't do it._

_His body froze against his will, his voice refused to beg L to help, his eyes only reflected the same intelligence that he'd been met with at three. He was on L's level, mentally, but emotionally he could not react. L, who was so smart that he could see Near needed help, was not smart enough to realize that Near could not ask for it, could not accept it on his own. He needed someone to force it upon him, and even then he wasn't sure it would work._

_"So, either you learn to express yourself, or you are out of the competition and this is the last time I will be allowed to see you." L finished, a strawberry balanced on his finger, his eyes no longer on Near. It wouldn't have mattered anyways, as Near could not react to this either._

_Sitting in silence for three minutes as L concentrated solely on his food, Near could no longer take it. Standing, he slipped quietly out of the room, his inability to answer deciding his fate for him. He would no longer be allowed to compete for the position he desired the most, because no one could see how much help he needed. Mello would win._

Near was not crying because he had lost the position, no matter how much that hurt as well. He would go on to do a great many things that L would not, and he would exceed anyone who tried to outdo him. No, he cried because there was no helping him. If there was a possibility that someone could see his reactions, he would not be able to react. He never would.

It wasn't only the wall that kept him from his emotions anymore. It was L's inability to help despite all his intelligence, and Near's own tenacious pride that were also to blame. The only thing he could do was take advantage of his sanctuary; a room filled with white, and release his emotions alone, on the day of his birth. Once the day was over, his privacy would not be guaranteed by the caregivers in the orphanage and he would have to wait another year to consider releasing everything he felt.

"Near! Why the fuck did that take so long?" Mello's voice called, full of contempt as he opened the suddenly unlocked door. Near, wide gray eyes moist with tears that were frozen in shock, did the only thing he could think of. He pulled his blanket over him as fast as he could to hide from the monster that hid under his bed and lived in his closet and haunted his childhood.

Shivering, he wiped the tears away with the edge of his blanket, trying to assume a semblance of normalcy before Mello attacked. He knew there would be red rings around his eyes, but he could explain those away if he absolutely must, or simply refuse to react, but if Mello saw tears there would be no going back.

It was too late for that, regardless.

"Near?" Mello's voice was unsteady, the same tone he used when Roger took away his chocolate once, as a punishment for scaring the younger children. Near froze, trying to make it look like he were asleep, or maybe not even there at all. Mello's rather soft footsteps informed him that his ploy had not worked or that Mello didn't care that he was asleep.

The blanket began to be removed, but was quickly dropped with a sharp squeal. Near refused to emerge from his soft white hiding place, and only waited in fear for the reaction to what he had just done. It was undignified, something Near would never have normally done, something that only a scared and cornered animal would do.

"The fuck?" Mello shouted. "Did you just bite me?"

"Mello is delusional." Near mumbled from under his sheltering white fort. "I would never do something as inane as that. I imagine Mello would taste quite terrible. "

That was untrue. Mello oddly tasted of vanilla, with a hint of earth.

"Tell that to my bleeding hand!" Mello shouted at him. Near did not react, but if he could have, he would have rolled his eyes at the other boy's dramatics. Instead, he stayed on his back under the covers, mildly wondering if Mello would get bored soon, and how long it would take him to leave. There was only an eight percent chance he would leave Near alone though, after his hand had mysteriously been bitten.

Near's thoughts were interrupted once again as his blanket suddenly disappears, and a covering of leather and yellow hair is used to replace it. Immediately, his body goes numb and he blanks his face, praying that it won't end up black and blue by the end of this encounter. The fire in Mello's eyes increases as Near fails to react in any normal way, and Near mentally flinches.

"Oh, no you don't!" Mello says, in a rather quiet voice. For Mello, that is.

"You're right." Near replies, his mind quickly providing him with the escape he needs. What else would give him space and freedom from Mello, other than the one thing the chocolate addict craved? "I don't. I don't get to be World's Greatest Detective. Congratulations, Mello. You have won."

To give Mello credit, he didn't release Near from his grasp. He did, however, widen his eyes in surprise, let his mouth drop, pause for a moment, and then grin before becoming confused once again. This was the reason Mello would be World's Greatest Detective, and Near would be left alone in his white room with no one but himself to blame for his failures.

"Says who?" Mello asked, pushing back down on Near, but not enough to ensure bruises would form. Near blinked.

"L, of course." He replied monotonously, wishing his hands were free to mess with his hair. If there was one thing Mello had done in his active chase to discover whatever secret Near had hidden under his blanket, it was to calm Near himself. "Your ability to express emotion has ensured that you are now number one, and I am no longer eligible for participation in this particular race. How did you get into my room? I locked the door."

"I've been practicing my lock picking skills." Mello shrugged the question off, more interested in the previous subject. "Why aren't you eligible anymore?"

"Will Mello get off of me if I tell him the truth?" Near asked.

"Um. Sure." Mello said, only just then seeming to realize that he was straddling the smaller boy, holding his arms down in a gentle but determined grip. He didn't let go.

"I wasn't paying much attention." Near admitted. "But I believe the point that L was trying to make was that my inability to show emotion made me unloveable, and that I could not be a proper detective unless I had someone to fight for. Apparently love is the deciding factor in every choice in life."

Mello finally released him, sitting back on his heels, the bed pushed down under his weight. By the time Near had sat up, gotten the blanket off of himself, placed his legs where he prefered them, and reached his hand into his hair, Mello had had yet another emotional epiphany.

"L is wrong." Mello whispered. Near blinked.

"L is wrong?" Near repeated. Mello blinked.

"L is wrong!" Mello shouted triumphantly, looking Near dead in the eye.

"L is never wrong." Near denied, looking right back.

"L. Is. Wrong." Mello said in a defiant tone, leaving nothing for question. Near still had questions regardless.

"Explain your reasoning, what is your proof?" Near demanded softly, still twirling his hair. Inside his head, he wasn't sure what to think, what to do, or what he should feel. Mello, the only other person who worshiped L as much as Near, was committing the cardinal sin.

"He says that to be a good detective, you have to be able to love and be loved, correct?" Mello asked, fishing a bar of chocolate out of his leather vest. Near would be concerned about getting chocolate on his white blankets, but knew that Mello would never waste a drop of his addiction on something as mundane as a stain, even if it were to irritate the albino.

"Correct."

"He also said that you can't be a detective, because no one loves you, and you don't love anyone, correct?"

"Essentially." Near replied, and then paused Mello's epiphany to check facts. "Why does Mello want L to be wrong? Would it not be easier just to win?"

"I wouldn't truly be winning though." Mello insisted. "L's faulty logic would be ruining our competition. Love was never part of it, it was always intelligence, deduction, and drive. No one can compete for a position based on emotions, they're subjective."

"So, Mello wants me to love?" Near asked, the word feeling foreign on his tongue despite saying it only minutes before. "Mello wants me to be number one again?"

"No, of course not!" Mello scoffed. "Obviously I want to be number one. I can't say I've earned the title though, if you drop out because L decides you aren't qualified based on asinine things."

"But, L already said I had to advance my emotions." Near tried to explain. This was always the hardest, explaining things in a way that others would understand. Near didn't think like others, and it made life that much harder because of it. "I can't."

"Who says?" Mello asked again.

"Me, Mello, L, the universe." Near replied ambiguously.

"Well, I've changed my mind, the universe can go fuck itself, and you don't get a say." Mello replied. "I guess that leaves L himself, and we have a secret weapon against him."

"We do?" Near asked, his eye moving around, wondering if he'll spot an evidence bag that would stun and defeat L. There was no such thing, as the only things that would give L pause were a table full of chocolate fountains, or news that the universe's sugar supply was stolen.

Rather than explain, Mello leaned in, rolling onto the pads of his feet and getting right into Near's personal bubble. Near would have flinched, if he could have. As it was, he only watched blankly as Mello braced himself with a hand pressed against the wall behind Near, the other tan hand settling on a white clad knee. This was why Near refused to allow people near, because he would freeze up, unable to control his actions or defend himself. If someone touched him, he froze, so it was best to avoid the situation altogether.

"There is one thing that is greater than L's intelligence." Mello informed him, still looking directly into his flat, emotionless eyes. Near didn't raise his eyebrows, or quirk his lips, or ask any audible or discernable question, but Mello seemed to take his silence as permission to continue. "We are greater than L."

"We are not greater than L, L is the World's Greatest." Near blurted, not able to form any coherent reactions with Mello only inches away from his face. "Mello is not greater, nor am I."

"You're right." Mello conceded, as though that were the whole point he had been making. "But together, we surpass him by three hundred percent."

"Mello's calculations are extremely skewed." Near told him, knowing quite well that even if they worked together to surpass L, their bickering would eventually lead them to destruction. Mello obviously hadn't added that into the equation. "Mello's emotions are affecting his logic."

"Exactly!" Mello exclaimed. "That is exactly my point!"

"I don't follow." Near breathed, trying not to let the smell of chocolate and vanilla affect him. It didn't matter if he had though, his body wouldn't have moved away regardless. Mello leaned back though, much to Near's relief, and sighed exasperatedly. He paused for a minute, staring at Near, obviously trying to find a way to explain his thoughts. This was why they fought so much, because their minds worked so differently that it was almost impossible to actually communicate.

"Let's try this." Mello finally said, slowly, as though he wanted to be sure Near followed. Near's eyes focused on him, waiting patiently for Mello to continue. "I cannot be number one unless I beat you in a fair fight. You cannot participate in our battle unless L sees you as a proper competitor. In order for that to happen, you have to have someone love you, and you have to love them, correct?"

"We have already established these facts." Near told him flatly, watching as Mello covered up his remaining half a bar of chocolate carefully. The blonde boy's shoulders tensed a bit, but he didn't react like he normally would have when confronted with Near's bland disregard for his opinion. He only took calming breaths as Near continued. "Mello has yet to prove his point. How does Mello believe I can learn emotions? How does Mello expect to help me and defeat me at the same time? How does he expect us to surpass L if we can't even work together?"

"Mello has a secret weapon." Mello said calmly, although Near got the distinct feeling he was being mocked regardless. Mello never used third person pronouns, especially not on himself. "I am more stubborn than anyone else, I will succeed. If I have to take you to the top along with me, then so be it. "

If Near's eyes could have widened in surprise, they would have. As it was, he started twirling his fingers through his hair as he thought, wondering when he'd stopped in the first place. Had it been when Mello declared L incorrect? Had it been when Mello had moved into Near's space, or when he had leaned back again? It didn't matter much, after all, so Near moved on to more important thoughts.

Mello had declared himself the most stubborn person in the world, and Near could not deny this claim. Mello's stubborn streak ran a mile wide, and it was the biggest reason that Near doubted the boy could help. If Mello had decided to turn that stubbornness away from beating Near, and began using it to work with him instead, then Mello's calculations were correct and Near was the one who's math was falling behind.

"If Mello refuses to allow me to lose, then we must work together." Near realized. "In that case, we are greater than L by three hundred percent."

"There ya go!" Mello exclaimed, his eyes lighting up and his blonde hair swishing around in triumph. He was bouncing on his heals by then, making the bed rock as he moved. Near could see his muscle aching to start moving again, not used to sitting down for long periods of time like Near was. He did pause his movements though when his hand hit the wall, and he frowned at it before looking Near in the eyes again. "No more biting me though, you got that?"

"Mello was bitten?" Near asked, feigning ignorance. This was the natural course of their relationship, and if Mello wanted it to change, he would have a lot of work to do. Near couldn't change, couldn't show the hope he was supposed to be feeling. Who better to teach him how to access his emotions on a regular basis, other than than the one person who emoted more than anyone else? If Mello had the patience, Near was willing to try.

"Uh huh." Mello muttered, taking in the small albino in front of him and seeming to ignore Near's complete disregard for his pain. He had the look on his face that told Near he was working out a problem in his mind, a look that Near had become accustomed to seeing, especially when they competed for test scores.

Near let him sit there and think for a moment, taking in the details of the older boy's movements and committing them to memory just as he did with everything else. He was awed, as always, by the way that Mello could stay in the exact same spot and seem to move all at once. The way his hands fidgeted, and the way his eyes narrowed and shifted as though he were looking at something no one else could see, and the way his hair swished around with the smallest movement of the air all pointed to movement, but he never strayed from his spot.

Finally his eyes widened as he came to the solution for whatever problem eluded him, and he clapped his hands together in a way that Near had seen many times before. Whatever the question had been, Mello now knew the answer without a doubt in his mind. He looked up at Near, his bright eyes not startled in the least that Near had been watching him. Instead, he seemed pleased, a reaction that Near had never encountered when it came to Mello.

"Are you ready to beat L?" Mello asked, leaning forwards again, but not quite as close as before. His cross came out of his leather vest, dangling between them and swinging back and forth as he waited for an answer. Near's eyes centered on that small, detailed cross, finding it easier to concentrate on the metalwork rather than the question he had been presented. This would be their most difficult block, and Near feared that Mello would come to the same conclusions that L had, and then give up when Near refused the help.

He wanted to feel though, desperately wanted Mello to help him find someone to love. He wanted, more than anything, to be number one again. He'd deluded himself into thinking that becoming number one was all about getting L's help, but now that L could not, would not, help, he had to admit to himself that he wanted to win. In order to win, he would have to rely on Mello, and in order for Mello to help he would need to know the problem.

"Not really." Near admitted, twisting his hair. "I don't think I can love."

"Didn't we just go over this?" Mello asked, sitting back again. He was less irritated than he normally would have been, and it was a surprise to Near that the boy could exude so much patience with him. He'd never done so in the past. "I'll teach you. We'll find someone for you, and I'll teach you."

"There is a riddle that must be solved before we can begin." Near told him, hoping that vague statements would lead his new partner to realize the problem. The albino's inability to connect with his emotions, his non-reaction to everything around him, and his refusal to seek help kept him from telling Mello the problem, but he hoped the blonde was smart enough to figure it out on his own. Otherwise, the entire afternoon was for naught.

"Ah, what riddle?" Mello asked, not even bothering to become upset that Near was throwing up another road block. Mello's reactions confused Near to no end, but he decided not to 'Look a gift horse in the mouth' as it were, and just continue with his predicament.

"The riddle is me, the solution is you. The answer is opposites and what do they do? If I were you, and you were me, what exactly would you not be?"

"That's it?" Mello asked. "Do I get any hints?"

"I can't." Near tells him, both as an explanation for why we must do this in riddles and also an extra hint towards the answer. The smaller boy hoped his companion would catch it instead of listening to the words at face value. Mello nods, staring out the window at the setting sun as he mulls the riddle over in his head, muttering the two words he'd been given, asuaging Near's concern.

"I can't. _I_ can't. I_ can't_." He mutters over and over again using different inflections. Finally he turns from the darkening window towards the motionless Near and sighs. "This is going to be more difficult than I'd imagined, won't it?"

"Indeed." Near replies, a small yawn involuntarily escaping from his mouth. Mello's own mouth turned to a soft and uncharacteristic smile, his frustration gone. He stood from the bed and headed towards the door without a word, and Near's first emotion in front of another person appeared to connect in his brain. Mello's back was turned, and Near's mask was in place, but the fact that he'd felt anything at all shocked him so much that he almost didn't hear Mello's parting whisper.

"I'll think it over tonight, and let you know what I've come up with in the morning." Mello said, crushing all the disappointment that had filled Near, leaving nothing in it's place. For now, there was nothing to worry about, but there was nothing to hope for either. For now, everything was up to Mello.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two.

Near woke from a dreamless sleep with the cool morning air on his skin and a bird chirping at his window. He acknowledged the distant irritation that he ought to feel before pushing it aside for more important things, like his bladder. Having a connecting bathroom was one of the many perks that came with being number one, and Near knew he would miss this perk most of all if L decided he wasn't suited to the position. It made it so much easier to get ready in the morning if he didn't have to wait for the other children to make room for his small size.

Finishing his morning routine as quickly as he can, he acknowledges that his actions are similar to those of an excited individual, and he wonders if Mello is already having a positive effect on him. It seemed as though he reacted more easily where the blond was involved, at least on the inside.

His body still remained motionless and emotionless regardless of who was around, but his mind almost connected to the emotions that Mello unknowingly created. Hope, disappointment, excitement. All of these were because of Mello, and none of them had been felt before. The albino was beginning to become overwhelmed.

Stepping out of the almost chilling shower, he wrapped his small frame in an oversize white towel and shuffled back into his room to dry off methodically and put on another pair of pajamas. As he did so, he mentally counted to fifty in Russian before skipping to German as he slipped quietly out the door of his room.

He reached three hundred and seventy-two, which was in Czechoslovakian, by the time he reached his destination. He was about to slip into the first floor playroom when a hand clasped around his wrist and his body stiffened. He turned just enough to see shoulder length blond hair flipping around the corner before he felt himself being dragged along behind. He stumbled as he tried to make his feet move faster to keep up, but they refused to go any faster than they normally would.

Finally they turned into an abandoned classroom and Near was released. Nothing was keeping him there, the door wasn't locked, and he felt nothing about being dragged around to random classrooms, but he was unable to leave due to the overwhelming intellectual curiosity that came with being literally dragged into a new situation.

So he stayed, allowing his hand to drop to his side as it was released, his other hand curling in his hair as he concentrated on both the soft tugs that his hand made and the frown that settled across Mello's face and slowly morphed into a scowl. The silence spanned across the room as almost a minute ticked by before Near could no longer stand the lack of information and nearly began to formulate an inquiry towards their current predicament when Mello finally broke the silence with a huff.

He grabbed for the chocolate that Near knew was always kept in an inside pocket of his vest and he fussed with it for a few moments before bringing the flavored sugar to his lips where he tapped it there thoughtfully for a moment. Then, finally, words.

"I haven't changed my mind, if that's what you're thinking." Mello said, finally biting into his chocolate. Near did not reply, he simply allowed Mello to savor that piece of chocolate before he continued with his monologue. Mello did just that, used to everyone catering to his needs and quirks. Near was the same, expecting that no one mentioned how he sat, what he wore, or what he ate. Mello was his only exception to this, but that was just one of Mello's own quirks.

"I haven't figured out your riddle though, either." He continued once the chocolate was free of his mouth. Near expected to feel disappointment at this, knew that other people would, but nothing came. Instead, he noted the fire in the other's eyes that belied what he would say next. Near could have spoken the words with him, had he felt the need to speak, or the need to lose his only potential ally.

"I'm not fucking giving up, so don't you think that either." He said, just as Near expected him to. Mello's speech patterns were so predictable that Near had them memorized. If he hadn't added the next part, Near would have felt surprise for the first time in his life. "I will win."

"Of course you will." Near finally assured before shuffling out, wondering if Mello would take his comment as a challenge, sarcasm, or what he meant for it to be; certainty. It didn't matter either way, he knew Mello was working through the riddle regardless of what Near said, simply because he and Mello were the same that way, they couldn't leave a mystery unsolved. The only thing that distinguished them from each other was that Mello loved to share what he knew, constantly prove he was the best, but Near couldn't care less. As long as the albino knew the answer, it didn't matter who else was aware of the truth, and that difference made Mello furious and resentful.

Near knew this, but he'd yet to find a reason to change the pattern. There was no emotion, no driving force, when others were around, when Mello was around, to stop him from what he always did. So he left with those simple words, an assurance that he believed the other, and prayed that Mello's new understanding and determination would win out through their previously redundant cycle of arguments

Shuffling back to the playroom that was surprisingly only three doors away and back around the corner, Near wondered idly how he'd come to assume Mello had drug him off to some far away hidden room in the orphanage when they'd only gone a few feet. He put it down to the confusion and blank Near-ness that consumed him whenever he was in contact with another person.

Sitting down, he placed his most favored building blocks in front of himself, and imagined them to be the different subjects that he was currently studying, placing them in different patterns by how they were connecting in his mind. Building a Parthenon with science and literature blocks, he allowed his mind to be consumed with the facts he knew about the subject as they made even more connections in his thought stream, continuing on until it was time to leave for their first class of the day.

Near's day passed as slowly as ever, even the hiccups that Mello often incited were absent. The peace and quiet was rare, and for once, completely useless to Near. Advanced Calculus finished with exactly thirty seven grapes and a glass of water. Advance Psychology was followed with twenty animal crackers and a glass of milk. Advance Biology was washed down with plain rice and a Go-Gurt. Physical education was avoided at all costs and replaced with studying in the playroom followed by sliced apples and cheese followed by Advanced Literature.

Mello took every one of Near's classes, and didn't seem to be doing anything different than usual every time Near looked up from twirling his hair, or playing with his action figure and pencil, or heaven forbid actually listening to something a teacher had to say. He was sitting there, scribbling furiously in his notebook, chomping on chocolate every time he took a second to pause. Nothing out of the norm, nothing to say that he was working on solving the mystery that was Near, except maybe one or two glances in Near's direction and the raised hairs on the back of his neck that Near only saw as a biological defense and nothing supernatural, there was nothing to prove that Mello was doing more than studying the subjects they were taking.

Near could sense it though, the way that Mello was staring at him when no one else would notice, the sighs he made as he scratched out parts of whatever he was writing, the building frustration that started to worry the other children as they noticed Mello was having a hard time figuring out whatever mystery they were not privy to.

When, at the beginning of Advanced literature, it was announced that L would be coming to visit all the orphanage in a week's time and Mello wasn't ecstatic, Near knew it was time to attempt another hint. This though, would have to be something that Mello would never normally notice, something that he would normally say anyways.

He started to plot, gently guiding the conversation that the class was having until it reached the point where the question he wanted asked was finally voiced.

"How does the poem make you feel, Near?" The teacher asked finally. Near had never bothered to learn his name, but the man was obviously a moron considering it had taken most of their class time to get that question out of him. Regardless, the white child finally had his opening.

"It doesn't." He replied blandly, an honest response that wasn't out of character at all. No one would suspect that Near might be trying to help Mello, least of all being Near himself. If he consciously realized that he was trying to break the dam of nothingness that held his emotions at bay his subconscious would panic and rebel, shutting down any reaction he might give and any freedom he might have already won.

"I beg your pardon?" The fool at the front of the class asked.

"Begging is demeaning." Near responded, continuing with a sigh. "Regardless,_ I can't feel_ any emotion for this poem because it hasn't been translated correctly."

He prayed that he had put enough emphasis on those three words as the bell rang and the other children dispersed. He nodded as he shuffled past the teacher who stood there gaping like a fish and raised his head to see that Mello and Matt were leaving just like they normally did. There was no spark of realization in those sky blue eyes.

Near lowered his eyes and shuffled away without a sound, not daring to show how frustrated he was. Frustration was one emotion he was very familiar with, and had managed to pull it into his conscious years ago, but had never understood why that emotion was allowed when the others were not, or why he could feel it but never really express it.

As he pondered, his routine allowed him to thoughtlessly wander towards his next destination without any conscious thought or consideration to where he needed to go. Before he knew it, he was sitting at his lonely table in the corner, watching as everyone around him finished their dinner, happily chatting to their friends.

Mello was his main target as he watched the children interact and picked at his chicken nuggets and plain potatoes. Even when his eyes wandered to the other rambunctious orphans, Mello stayed in the corner of his grey eyes, speaking quietly with the redhead next to him. Matt was nodding, not even looking at the blonde as he babbled on, the orange goggles concentrated solely on the handheld game he played.

A few of the children finished and left, making the dinning room quieter than it had been when Near entered, and he was grateful for the lack of yelling and laughing. It made it easier to gather information when there weren't more than seven conversations going on at once to listen to, in Near's opinion, and living in an orphanage full of geniuses made it easy to learn anything he wanted, as long as he stayed quiet and listened to what they had to say.

Before he could get too concentrated on Linda's discussion of Roman art, or too involved in an argument over conspiracy theories going on beside him, Mello stopped talking. All of Near's concentration was centered on the leather clad boy, ignoring everyone around him in favor of watching the deeply thinking genius, who in Near's opinion was finally number one. Mello finally looked up, his crystal blue eyes searching around the room before finally landing on the small fourteen year old hidden in the corner. Bright blue eyes met flat grey walls and widened in surprise, jumping up as he shouted in excitement.

"Holy shit!" Mello yelled, startling Matt and half the other orphans. "I've figured it out!"

Near didn't react, couldn't react. Whatever was inside him, whatever mental block that erased three years of his life and block all emotion from him, gripped him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. He stayed where he was, eyes wide as he waited for the rejection that was certain to come and breath coming in short, absolutely necessary, spurts. Only when he realized that someone might notice how he was reacting did that pain release him and allow him to breath.

Once the pain was gone a blankness came, covering his mind as he sat there dully, ignoring his dinner as always. He looked away from Mello, who'd been watching him like a hawk, and concentrated on the conspiracy theories once again. So Mello knew his secret, that didn't matter. There was no way to change how he was, no way to make him number one, and they both knew it. Sociopaths had been covered in Advanced Psychology months ago, and it had been emphasized that you couldn't change one. In that case, it was time to move on and decided on another path for his life. Perhaps he could be an alien expert? It would certainly further his goals to help Megatron some day.

Near didn't notice when Mello left, nor did he care. He was too wrapped up in the discovery that there was a man somewhere who'd created a time traveling police box, and he was plotting how to convince the other children to lead him to this man they called 'The Doctor'. They had left though, promising each other not to see The Doctor without everyone present, and dispersing to their own rooms. Linda was no longer there to lecture about Roman art, and Matt was only playing his game, half his meal eaten.

There was nothing more to learn from the room, and Near had grown weary. The effort that he'd put into helping Mello understand his riddle, and the something that had taken over Near's mind and body when he'd finally understood Near's hint, had left the albino exhausted. He slowly shuffeled towards his room, the fork he'd used to spread his potatoes around on his plate was still in his hand. He used it to imagine he had a sonic screwdriver to discover the secrets of the universe and 'unlock' his door. Closing the door behind him softly, he squeaked when a hand landed on his shoulder. Certain he was being attacked, and most likely kidnapped to be used by evil robots, he swung the fork around to jam it into the arm of his assailant. Whoever had hidden behind his door was quicker though, and the fork only grazed the tan arm that was attached to the attacking hand. The fork was removed from Near's possession and Near turned to kick whoever was defeating him where the sun don't shine.

He stopped in shock as he realized the tan arm belonged to a blond-haired catholic. Mello took his moment of surprise to drag him over to the bed and push him on to it.

"What the hell was that?" Mello growled, pacing.

"Mello was attacking me." Near replied. "I was simply defending myself from Mello's dark wish to turn me over to the robots."

"Do you ever make sense?" Mello asked, pausing to glare at Near, on hand on his hip. "What the hell took you so long anyways? You weren't even eating dinner."

"I was learning of a time traveling doctor that might be able to help me." Near told him honestly. "I did not expect Mello to be waiting for me. I apologize."

"Time traveling-" Mello muttered, shaking his head. "What else would I be doing? I promised to help you, didn't I?"

"I did not expect Mello to be so stupid as to believe that he could help me, once he learned of my problem." Near sighed, still not moving from his spot on the bed. "Sociopaths cannot be cured."

"Sociopath." Mello repeated, and then said it once more incredulous. "Are you kidding me? That's what you think is wrong with you? Have you paid the slightest bit of attention in Psych class? How are you even number one?"

"I'm not, Mello is."

"We'll see about that." Mello laughed. "First I have to help you fall in love, then we can figure out who's number one. You aren't a sociopath though, I'll tell you that."

"I"m not?" Near asked, his voice staying flat despite the hope that he knew was supposed to have filled him at that. Mello only laughed.

"I've rewritten your riddle." He said instead of answering. "The problem is Near's lack of emotions, the solution is Mello's determination. The answer is that Near can't process emotion, and how can he love? If Near were Mello, and Mello were Near, how would they act and react?

"I guess that's not as poetic as you put it, but it helped me think it through better. I just put different words where you had your fancy ones, and all these new questions started coming through. This happened while I was waiting for you to finish dinner, by the way."

Near stayed silent, having nothing to say. Whatever Mello had just quoted, it wasn't the riddle that Near had given him, and he didn't understand how that mutilation of his clever poem had helped Mello to understand what was going on better that Near did. Mello was sure to tell him though, eventually. Mello loved to prove he was smart, and always shared what he knew.

"Fine, don't ask." Mello shrugged, reaching for the inside vest pocket before pausing half way and staring at the white-haired boy. He watched as Near stared at the ceiling, counting the cracks in the paint, before scowling once again.

"What would Mello like me to ask?" Near finally voiced.

"Who am I going to teach you to fall in love with, obviously!"

"Who is Mello going to teach me to fall in love with?" Near asked, looking over at the blonde once again. It was surprising to find that Mello had moved closer, right next to the bed. Near could see the sly grin on Mello's face and the laughter in his eyes, there was a true joy hiding inside of Mello, one that Near only ever saw when Mello had solved the problem before Near.

Mello, always a man of action, did not reply. Instead he moved swiftly, pinning Near to the bed the same way he had the day before. Near was distracted with wondering how it had only been a day ago when it felt like a million years ago that turned fourteen. He figured it had to do with how full these past two days had been, and how exhausted he was. His thoughts were interrupted though, when he felt something touch his lips.

His eyes popped open to reveal Mello's face above him, the blonde's lips on his own. Near didn't move, wasn't sure he could have if he'd tried. This situation was so far out of his depth that even his inability to react to other people's touch was unnecessary to keep him still. His shock and uncertainty was doing that just fine on it's own.

Finally Mello pulled back, not releasing Near's wrists as he frowned down at the other. Taking in the deer in the headlights look that was directed towards him, he laughed softly before leaning down to kiss Near's nose.

"Who else would I allow you to fall in love with?" He asked, moving to Near's jaw. "Who else would have the patience to love you in return?"

Near stayed silent, allowing Mello to explain.

"L will be here in a week, you know. I would never have found a better match for you in that time. I'm not sure I would have found a better match regardless." Mello moved to his ear, whispering into it before biting it gently. "I've been going crazy trying to understand how your mind works, I would have gone mad if someone else had changed you, if someone else had loved you."

"I can't-" Near tried. Mello was one step ahead of him.

"You can." He said gently, moving back to look into grey eyes. "You just don't want to. You're so scared, too scared. What happened to you, Near, that made you fear your own emotions?"

"I don't remember." Near whispered. "I don't want to."

"Of course you don't." Mello laughed. "And I wont make you."

Near didn't smile, didn't show the relief on his face, but he felt it. Mello's blue eyes watched him as some of the tension released from his small shoulders, and the blonde smiled before determination returned to his eyes and he continued to speak.

"I will make you love me, you won't have a choice in that. The emotion is there, you know. I can see it in your eyes when you freeze up. You have those emotions, you just don't allow yourself to feel them because you're so scared. That isn't Sociopathic, that's just a tragic past. We all have them, and it's time you moved on from your's."

Mello leaned down again, done with talking, and tried once again to kiss the smaller boy. Near didn't respond though, or if he did it was to pull away a little. Mello sighed, pulling back and looking hurt. He watched Near's blank face as Near blinked at him, before turning his head away to look at the far side of the wall where there were shelves lined with toys.

"Don't speak 'Mello'." He muttered to himself. "Speak 'Near'."

He shook his head in frustration, gripping Near's wrists just a little tighter, obviously struggling to find the words he wanted. Near waited, still not moving. His wrists hurt a bit, but Mello's weight on top of him wasn't too much to handle despite the other boy being two years older than he was, and Near being so much smaller. What did bother him was that he wanted to laugh. He didn't know why, he'd never felt. the urge before, never felt that anything was funny enough to make noise over, but Mello's frustration was somehow hilarious.

Before Near could really realize how dangerous it would be to laugh at the boy who was trying to get into his head, Mello had another lightbulb moment and brightened up, smiling down at the boy who's lips were starting to twitch. Mello saw the twitch at rolled his eyes, as though he knew all along that it would be there. Near wasn't certain that he hadn't, considering that most times Near could predict Mello's words before the boy said them. Maybe Mello knew him just as well? Knew him well enough to make him laugh for the first time in his life?

"Yes, my insanity is very funny." Mello chuckled, his patience returning. "Laugh all you want, I won't sell you to the robots."

Near did let out a small snort at this, surprising himself as he reacted to something in front of another. His surprise was not reflected in Mello's face though, Mello only looked supremely satisfied and triumphant, as though he'd expected Near to react. Near's confusion was shown next, and Mello relented, releasing the boy's wrists. Near didn't move, only watched Mello expectantly, waiting for the explanation that was sure to come.

"Do you remember that story we studied, what was it? Two years ago. Well, the one about the red string of fate that connects soulmates together? It was a myth, really. Anyways, I was always so fucking frustrated with you, because I knew how you should react when I was around, but you never did. That's one of the reasons I hated you so God damned much."

"Mello is speaking in gibberish again." Near commented, wondering how the boy got through life with such a chaotic thought process. "What does the red string have to do with how Mello feels about me?"

"It has everything to do with it." Mello said firmly. "It's like, we have that red string, and I was mad because you weren't doing anything the way I knew you should. So, I got mad instead of trying to figure out why."

"Is Mello trying to say that he thinks we are soul mates?" Near asked in surprise, finally wading through the chaos that Mello had laid before him. The boy who straddled him nodded energetically, making Near want to laugh again for no reason at all. "What does that mean?"

"It means that we're supposed to fall in love. It means that L's decision wasn't really about who was meant to be number one, it was about forcing us to realize that we're meant to be together. It means that you don't have to hide what you're feeling from me, because we're one soul in two bodies. It means that I'm never going to give up on you, even when I don't understand why you act the way you do, because-"

He paused, leaning down to whisper the words into Near's mouth.

"I love you."

Near gasped, surprised to have heard the honesty in his rival-turned-soulmate's voice. The gasp allowed Mello to move in closer, pressing a warm kiss to Near's parted lips. This time, Near didn't react simply because he wasn't sure how, but Mello's new patience was never-ending and he simply did his best to help Near find the best way to respond.

Mello slid his hand down Near's side, and the albino's surprise was cut short as his own hands came up to run through Mello's blond locks. The twirling motion he used was something that he was extremely used to in his own hair, and calmed him enough to push the panic away. Pressing his lips back to Mello's, to show that he was trying, he felt something press it's way through his lips and into his mouth.

He resisted the urge to bite down on the unfamiliar muscle in his mouth, and instead used his own tongue to discover the organ, to be sure it wasn't going to kill him mid-kiss. The other tongue brushed against his gently, and Near gasped again, his body reacting in ways that it never had before. Mello pulled back with a sparkle in his eye, and Near's thoughts cleared a bit, enough to draw in the panic again.

"The door-"

"I locked it."

"I can't-"

"_We can_."

"How?" Near asked demandingly.

"We're one soul in two bodies." Mello repeated, wincing a bit as Near had clenched his fists in the blonde's hair. "We just have to, let go of my hair, we just have to get to know one another."

"Sorry." Near said quietly, drawing his hands away. Mello only shook his head and smiled, leaning down to kiss the small white nose that was scrunched apologetically. Pulling back, he climbed off of Near and laid down beside the smaller boy instead, twirling his fingers in the colorless locks, putting the other boy at ease.

"It's fine." Mello said at last. "I just didn't realize you were so strong. See? We don't know enough about one another. Let's start with this, what's your favorite color?"

They spoke all night, laying together, watching the moon from Near's window as it moved slowly across the sky. Mello eventually couldn't live without chocolate and gave in, and Near took the time to get up and grab his favorite robot before crawling back into the bed to continue their discussion with sleepy smiles and heavy eyes.

Eventually Mello told Near that they would have to sleep, and Near agreed eagerly, snuggling closer to the blonde that he felt he knew almost as well as he knew himself. As the sun started to rise, and Mello snapped his cell phone shut, certain that they wouldn't have to go to their morning classes that day, Near blinked tiredly up at him. Quietly, almost impossible to hear, the words were spoken.

"I think I love you, Mihael Keehl."


End file.
